The Reason I’m Here (Comes Down to ONE Word)

Being CONFIDENT in myself is the reason I’m here.

Confidence is not what it may seem like from the outside where someone loves the way they look and can walk into a room and naturally you just light up. 

I wish it were that easy. 

What people see today is a version of me that had to be rewritten over and over again. It goes back all the way to my childhood experiences, but I’ll take it from early adulthood when the lightbulb really started to turn on. 

Getting into the barbering industry I was working hard like everyone else or maybe even a little more than the people I worked next to (or so I thought). I was complaining and comparing myself to others who were receiving more than me (at least that’s what it felt like from the outside looking in). Why is this guy here when I cut BETTER than him? This is a question people now ask themselves ALL the time. 

The truth…

I had not done the same work that had allowed him to receive those blessings. 

The truth hurts and how we receive it, absorb it, analyze it, and continue to make something out of it, to me, is the reason why someone could be able to build a different outcome.

You can tap into anything these days, learn whatever skill in the comfort of your own home and then call yourself an expert after a month. We see it saturated every single day online. It’s hard to even know whose information is legit these days. 

Fake it till you make it. We can all say we understand it and have gone through it at some point. If you are confident enough, you pretend and you get through that particular moment. But is that ENOUGH? Don’t get me wrong, part of this process adds to us and our skill building and we have to start somewhere. But, if you stay there, it becomes a front after awhile and the only person you are truly lying to is yourself. 

One of the hardest pills for me to swallow was hearing…

I know when I am giving 90 vs 100…sometimes I was even ok with 95. At some point I asked myself, why am I being lazy? Why do I not care more? It is hard to understand about yourself as you are going through it. What I found I was lacking was having pride in ALL scropes of my work. For awhile, I was ok with “good enough” to the average eye. Why didn’t I care beyond the average eye? Something clicked at some point and it could be that story of the guy who had those blessings I wanted. I need to work harder and just keep going. When the time was right, I believed it would reveal itself to me and until that moment, I had to have faith in my effort and work to continue the path. 

From that moment of realization, I expanded my services, spent more time refining and really studying my work in every way and I could to see where there were opportunities to do more.

These were the exact thoughts I had to apply instantly. If this is considered great, what else can I do to make it even better? It could be a minor detail, it could be a major overhaul. The goal was to always ask myself - is this as good as I can do and then take any action possible to move the needle forward. Small progress is still progress. 

Building a barbering skill to me was getting to a place where if anyone walked through the door, I could at least 9 out of 10 times execute it flawlessly and client satisfaction was felt in positive feedback and returning customers. That was success in the skill and thats how I saw it in my mind. 

It is true what they say; the harder you’ve worked on acquiring a skill set, the more meaningful it gets. 

When I think about the barbering skill itself, I feel extremely happy with where those skills have taken me and I know now, it has never by mistake or luck. I know every milestone it took to get here and it keeps me in a state of gratitude of this industry and what it has allowed me to do in this space. I put in my first 6 years living the barbershop life, working my ass off, and learning every which way that I could. I am an observer and a researcher. What I don’t know I look up and I learn. Then, I find myself getting obsessed (depending on the topic, of course). From years 6 to 13, I have been able to use my skills on the road to teach and educate, develop and share my ideas with industry leading brands, and create a new story for myself that would make my family and friends continually proud. 

Confidence does not come when you are at your best once or twice. It builds when your actions fail, when you take the time to assess the situation, and chose to get back up. It requires resiilience to not stop when the world around you is shutting you down. Handling stress and pressure at any given moment and knowing that you won’t take no for an answer is where the magic lies. Continue to push yourself through the challenges and know that eventually you are likely to see a better result. That is what breeds the feeling we’re all striving to achieve and it comes from daily thoughts, emotions, actions and following through with what we said we were going to do. Ask yourself, can you do it over and over again?

Some people look for validation by seeing if other people will clap for them, will kiss their ass or hype them up. I look for the opportunities of growth. If I’m not learning and being challenged, I’m not moving forward and I feel stuck. Thats my validation. Will someone look at my work and want to be a part of it? Want to work with me? Want to collaborate? 

I don’t want to chase, I want to attract. 

If there’s one area where I feel I have an edge over most barbers, it is that I’m not afraid to give credit where it’s due. I can happily appreciate someone if they have helped me in any part of my life and I can make it known. There is no ego when you know how hard it has been to grow and how much other people have helped you get there. I don’t believe in self-made. It feels like a very selfish concept. We all need people who support and believe in us. You choose your environment. Every time you make a decision in any part of your life, you chose it. 

One of my biggest tips I would like to leave you with is that if you care to ever make a difference in your life, care about the quality of what you do everyday. Don’t put so much focus on outside validation. Do you get excited about the work you do? If the answer is no, find ways to get to that place. Make it exciting, make it challenging so you can grow into the person you want to become. 

Things I’ve been obsessed with:

Haircutting

Content Creation

Hair Products

Barber Educator

Photography

Public Speaking

Social Media

Camera Equipment and & Gear

Directing

Editing

Captioning

Coloring

& so much more.

When I mention all of those things above, it is not because I’ve mastered everything on the list. There will always be things I can improve on because the idea isn’t to just be good at it once. I know I need to be consistent and continue to grow throughout my life. And with everything above (most of the time), if you’re spending a ton of time on it, you care to make an impact. On the client, on the video concept for yourself or brands, for your learning audience, for your aesthetics and work portfolio, or to even leave a lasting impression every time you get to speak.

So what is confidence to me? It is being certain of yourself as you walk into a room or even how you act and present yourself online, and how you respond to a negative comment. You find yourself unimpaired, not because you are a hater and you don’t believe what anyone has to say about you, but you are confident by the building blocks you have laid over time, so much so that you can assess things as they come in, analyze, understand, and quickly move forward without getting knocked off course. 

I may never feel fully 100% confident but I know it is in the work that I do where people cannot deny my value. That is my stamp, my reputation, and I don’t have to tell anyone that if you bring on Sofie, you will get what you’re looking for. 

Think of everything you do right now. What do you want to be better at? Or in? If there is any interest in it… write it down and make a list of things you get obsessive about. Learn what you can, apply yourself daily and don’t stop until you get the results you are looking for. 

We don’t go to the gym to look the same. You are going in there with a goal in mind of what you hope to see and become. Apply that same concept to your interest. Muscles do not grow once a week, they grow by how committed you are to the practice everyday. 

Growth hurts, but being in the same place hurts worse. 

We are approaching the end of January already, insane. What can you do to make the most of the rest of the month?

Have a great week ahead of you,

Sof!