Why your growth makes people uncomfortable

If you saw my carousel today, you know the topic: Your industry hates your growth because YOUR growth makes people uncomfortable.

Not clients. Other barbers.

The ones who can't stand watching you evolve. The ones who have opinions about what you can and cannot do despite never having done it themselves.

And if you're experiencing this right now, I need you to understand something: It's not about you.

Let me tell you the story behind that realization.

THE BEGINNING

I think we all start pretty similarly in this industry.

When I first started going to barbering events, mixers, shows…I realized how many of us go through the exact same experiences during those growth phases. The moments when you're pivoting into something nobody around you has done yet within your space.

And it's really easy to feel like you can't make that move.

Because it's already difficult to do something when no one's supporting you. But to do it in a different direction than what's normal? That's even harder.

For me, that started when I began stepping outside my environment. I was stuck in the hamster wheel…cutting all day, every day, feeling like there had to be something more. So I started attending shows. Learning different ways of doing things. Different approaches to pricing, to fading, to running a business.

Just hearing the variety opened my mind. And it helped me realize I didn't have to stay stuck.

So I started making changes.

I elevated my pricing. I stopped taking walk-ins and moved to appointments because my clients were tired of waiting 1+ hours. They valued their time, and they were willing to pay more for the convenience.

That shift from walk-ins to appointments was the first domino.

And that's when I started to feel the disconnect.

THE CONFUSION PHASE

It took time, but eventually my appointment slots filled up completely and I couldn't take walk-ins anymore. That's when people started getting upset.

Management at the commission shop wanted to lower my commission because I switched to appointments instead of walk-ins. I was still hitting and often exceeding my gross sales goals each day to receive this higher commission. So why would my commission drop? It didn't make sense. I felt like he was trying to put me in a box that didn't fit anymore.

The environment that once felt 100% good, exciting, supportive now suddenly felt uncomfortable.

And I didn't know what to do with that.

When you're going into new territory, you don't know where you stand with people. You don't want to offend anyone. So I kept a lot of it to myself. I didn't really have anyone in the industry to talk to about it other than just close personal friends outside of barbering. But they couldn't fully understand either because they weren't in it.

I tried to make it work. I really did.

I changed a couple of things within the space. Had conversations. Tried to find a middle ground.

But at some point, the friction grew stronger.

And my only decision was: If I don't want to continue feeling this way, I need to make a change. Because I wasn't going to let my situation make me hate what I do.

So I left. Moved down the street. My clients thankfully followed.

And I did it alone.

THE SHIFT

It took time for the psychology to click.

You need distance from where the issue was being held. Time to absorb the feelings. Time to see things clearly.

Once my decision started to work out for me, I was able to look back and understand what those moments really meant.

Here's what I realized:

The people who are most opinionated about what you can and cannot do have almost never done what you want to do.

It's rare that someone who made it happen would tell you that you can't.

The strongest opinions about why you shouldn't do something almost always come from people who never did it themselves.

And that's when I understood: It's a reflection of them.

If they can't do something or won't and they see you brave enough to try? That hurts their ego. It challenges their perspective on the business. It forces them to confront their own limitations. And it's easier to be negative and hateful than it is to be secure enough in yourself to celebrate someone else's success in the same lane.

It stings.

But here's the thing about that: Jealousy is a normal feeling. We all get it.

There are many times in our careers when we feel that instant sting hearing someone do what we want to do. That doesn't mean we hate them. It means we envy the process they're going through because we want it too.

The difference is how we work through those feelings.

Do we use it as fuel to push ourselves? Or do we project it onto someone else to make ourselves feel better?

Once I understood this concept, I stopped feeling attacked when people didn't agree with me.

If anything, it made me realize I needed to be more patient. To learn how to communicate what I was going through instead of being reactive to the first negative comment or letting it break me to the point I became paralyzed and couldn't follow through. If things don't work out, you try again. You rebuild or you go back. But here's what I always think about: Does failure mean we didn't really want it that bad? Or does it just mean we haven't given ourselves enough tries to get better at it? Most of the time, I think it's the second one.

I had to stop over-explaining myself to people who didn't want to understand.

Now, there are people close to you who do want to understand so they can support you. And if you can't explain it to them, it means you don't fully understand it yet either. Do yourself a favor and keep digging deeper into it.

Finding that clarity and being able to articulate what you're pursuing helps people understand your mission and support you. But it also helps you. The more you explore it and say it out loud, the clearer your direction becomes.

That was probably the hardest part for me: going down this road alone because I couldn't explain it to anybody else while I was still figuring it out for myself.

I took all the risk alone until it made sense enough to share.

THE LESSON

Looking back now, I can see what I couldn't see then.

There's a silver lining in the friction and tension. It's hard to see the gems in the moment, but anything that's been difficult has always helped me build a skill to be better at it.

The further you get into this business, the more your ability to work through difficulty without losing your shit becomes your competitive advantage.

Being less reactive. Being less angry. Being more capable of handling a lot more.

The more you can handle, the better you get and the more problems you can solve.

You don't want to fold in those moments. So the lessons in those little things: the discomfort, the resistance, the isolation are what build your strength. In your business. In your mindset. In your spirit.

It all connects.

And here's what I wish I understood earlier:

Success and happiness look different for everybody.

Not everyone wants to be a creator. Not everyone wants to be a business owner. Not everyone wants to work in a suite or stay in a barbershop establishment forever. Eventually, I believe everyone evolves from where they started whether that's owning a shop, shifting lanes, or something else entirely. The goal is just to stay in an industry where you feel proud of the work you've built.

There are so many lanes in this industry. The only thing I try to share now is: Learn about all the different ways and see which one speaks to you.

Because if you feel uncomfortable or unhappy, there are options. There are decisions you can make to move toward the lifestyle you actually want.

But and this is important…explore your options before you make a big move.

A lot of people move to a big city or leave a barbershop to open a suite, realize how much harder it is, and then go back. Yes, you'll learn the hard way. But really take the time to understand what you need first.

Are you the type of introvert that needs people to help spread energy? Or are you the type that can self-sustain in quiet?

You have to know what kind of person you are and what environments you excel in.

For me, I needed people to energize me at first while I still had my training wheels on. I needed constant check-ins from my peers to make sure I was on the right track. Then I needed to go the opposite way: to build my self-confidence and learn that I could make my own decisions. To be my own validation. To form my own opinions and be brave enough to say them out loud. To create boundaries that made sense for me and learn how to refuel myself after constantly exchanging energy with people all day.

And once I understood those parts of me, when I was put back into a team environment, I excelled even better.

But that came from a personal pursuit to identify my weaknesses and understand them better. I started with college courses on interpersonal communication. Read self-development books. Explored a ton of different options to figure out what I actually needed for myself.

HOW I PROTECT MY ENERGY NOW

I stay on course.

There's a line from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson that I think about all the time:

We don't have endless energy. We don't have infinite willpower to run at 1,000% every single day.

So I think about: What's worth my energy?

What you give energy to grows. Where your attention goes grows.

I don't think months ahead or even weeks ahead. I'm thinking about the current moment. What do I need to focus on today that I want to grow? Everything else is priority 2, priority 3.

I make a list every single day of what I need to get done to get closer to my goals.

And with every decision, I ask: Is this helping me or hurting me?

If you're making a lot of small, healthy choices, that compounds. It makes a huge difference.

If you feel unhappy, ask: What could I do differently today that would make me happier? What could I change in this process? What conversations could I have?

It doesn't have to be a major change. It's a mindset switch. It's replacing energy that's weighing you down with energy that lifts you up.

Those are choices we all have the opportunity to make.

Like-minded people exist everywhere. It's just: What frequency are you tuning into?

THE BOTTOM LINE

Your growth will make people uncomfortable.

And that tells you everything.

Not about you but about them.

The resistance you're feeling? It's a mirror. Your evolution is forcing them to look at their own choices, and most people don't like what they see.

But here's what I need you to hear:

Growth looks like delusion until it works.

You're going to feel alone. You're going to question yourself. You're going to wonder if you're crazy for believing in something nobody else can see yet.

But the ones who get it don't need it explained.

The ones who argue with you? They were never your people anyway.

Stop shrinking to make others comfortable.

The hard stuff you're going through right now? It's preparing you for what's next.

Keep going.

What's one thing you're working through right now that feels uncomfortable but necessary? Hit reply—I read every response.

-Sof!